Cozy reading space with the words “A Little More Grace: How Your Space Can Support Your Mental Health.”

Does simply being in a certain place ever stress you out or make you feel overwhelmed? Maybe when you walk into a room, you want to turn around and run just because you feel like you can't stay. Maybe you don't even have words to explain it; you just don't want to be there.

This is even harder if it's your home. Sometimes stress and overwhelm can come, in part, from your environment. The pill bottles on your dresser, reminding you that this isn't a dream- illness is your life - for real. The pile you see when you first open your eyes, that reminds you of what you didn't get to yesterday, or the kitchen counter you need to clear before you can make breakfast. The closet full of clothes, but somehow nothing feels easy to wear. The thing you need that's upstairs - when you're already downstairs.

These problems aren't huge.

But they can feel impossible when you're already tired, overwhelmed, anxious, dealing with chronic illness, or simply carrying a lot. All those little decisions and little frustrations can add up. The connection between our home environment and mental health can be easy to overlook.

Research suggests that our physical surroundings really can affect our mental load. In one study of 30 dual-income families, researchers actually measured participants' cortisol—the hormone involved in our body's stress response—throughout the day. Women who described their homes as more cluttered and unfinished showed a less healthy pattern of cortisol across the day and increasingly depressed mood. Women who described their homes as more restorative showed the opposite pattern.

In other words, home isn't just the backdrop where stress happens.

Sometimes our environment becomes one more thing our brain has to manage. And don't miss this- it isn't about how cluttered or messy someone else thinks it is.

It's about how YOU perceive it.

How do you feel? What do you think? If it's bothering you, it's adding to your stress and mental load.

This means stopping to notice- how do I feel? What would be one change that would make me feel better, lighter, easier to breathe?

It's not about adding another thing to your to-do list. Another thing you have to get just right, or more pressure to clean your house.

It's about asking, ‘What do I need?’

How could I make my life a little easier to live?

Don't we all need a little more grace, a little more margin in our lives? If only we could figure out how to find it. Maybe this will help.

Where you are now: Stress, Anger, Frustration, Overwhelm.

When you're stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, or angry about your situation, you have choices: walk away, hide, bury yourself in social media and ignore it all, or make a change.

One of my favorite poems reminds us all that this choice requires wisdom and prayer.

The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr, including the line “Accepting as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.”

We must have the wisdom to know when to change something.

But how do we change? What do we change?

What's Really Going On: Notice the Patterns and Pain Points

Before we can change anything, we need to pause. Take a deep breath and really look at what's happening. (When we struggle with this step, a counselor can help.)

What am I frustrated about? Am I upset because the dishes fell on the floor, or am I just having a rough day all around? Am I angry that my husband didn't do what I asked, or am I overwhelmed by everything on my to-do list and in my own brain?

So often we put a lot of energy into solving a problem- but it's not the REAL problem.

What's really going on? Can we talk about that?

Is This Worth Changing? Weigh the Cost of Staying the Same

Sometimes we realize that while, yes, I'm frustrated, this isn't a normal frustration; it happens once in a while, and typically it's not a problem. Therefore, it's probably not worth the time and energy to figure out how to make it better.

But other times, we realize this is taking way more from us than it should. And there is probably a solution.

Oftentimes, the real problem is deeper than we can solve with a blog post- so if you find yourself with a conundrum that is beyond you, reach out to someone who can help.

But if the problem is truly the practical things, dishes, laundry, food, etc. let's solve it!

For all the things that can't be solved or changed in a simple way - when there is something you can fix, it's often worth fixing.

Where Do You Want to Be? Picture What "Easier" Could Look Like

Allow yourself to dream, come up with lots of ideas. Ask yourself, 'What " easier " would look like?'

I can't ever get to the plates because they are always buried under silverware and other drying dishes - a new dish rack, a silverware caddy, putting away all the clean dishes before washing the dirty ones.

Do it. It's a simple fix.

I wake up annoyed every day because before I get out of bed, I'm met with clutter on the dresser. Find out where those things go- move them to the guest bedroom, or anywhere that you won't see them before you get dressed. Give yourself the first 10 minutes of your day without the stress of something that didn't get done yesterday.

Why Does It Matter? Connect the Change to What You Value

Change takes time, commitment, sometimes money, energy, and learning a new way of doing things. If the outcome isn't worth it to you- then it won't work.

Is this change somehow connected to what you value? (hint - yes) What value does this point to? Do you feel unloved when you see a messy house? Do you feel like you weren't important enough to those around you to take care of your space? That's a value! Do you value home-cooked meals, and yet hate doing the dishes? What do you value more - a home-cooked meal or convenience?

So often our stated values - nutritious meals, a stress-free environment, people in our lives, whatever it is- aren't the things we actually value; they are the things we want to value.

"Lord help me to want the right things"

"Train your heart to love what is good"

"Teach your body to enjoy work"

These are all quotes of wisdom from the past that today's world would have us do away with. But you don't have to follow the world.

Be intentional. Choose who you want to be. Do what you need to do, not what you want to do.

Make a new pattern, figure out a new system. Think, plan, follow through.

What Could You Change? Let Your Environment Carry Some of the Load

Warm, lived-in kitchen with sunlight, plants, cooking utensils, and food on the counter.

But don't work harder than you need to. Sometimes that means working harder for a weekend so that your next month is easier. But seriously - take the time to clean out the room so you can find what you need. It's not worth the stress. What do you need to do today so tomorrow is easier?

Get some leftovers in the freezer? Buy a second charger so if you forget to plug your phone in, you have another one at work?

Buy a gadget that streamlines a process?

DON'T buy more clutter!!!
Will you use it? Will it make your life easier?
What's more valuable - the money in your bank account or the item?

Not all that long ago, I wanted a pasta maker. I love pasta. I love Alfredo - cheesy, warm, delicious, garlicky pasta. But I have a pasta maker- two, in fact. Why would I need another one? Without giving you a lesson on pasta, how to make it or its history, let's say that the ones I already owned were beautiful relics. Great for slow, handmade pasta. But they were slow. It took hours of my day to get enough pasta for us to eat in 10 minutes. So we rarely ever had pasta. Or I would spend all day making pasta, get frustrated, ill, and want to scream by the time my beloved Alfredo was ready to get to the table. I wanted to give up. I wanted to say that we never needed to eat pasta again! Or who cares if it's healthy and good for me? I can have a little bit of glysophate right? It only takes 4 days for me to feel better....

Or I can find a half-priced used pasta maker on eBay, and in 30 minutes, with the fun of a Play-Doh-like toy, I can have pasta- enough to eat 5 times (put 4 bags in the freezer) and pasta is a healthy, go-to, quick, and easy meal again.

It was well worth the money because it reduced the stress. Not because it's a cool gadget I might use. No one was trying to sell me a pasta maker and telling me I would love it. There was a need- and we found what made life easier.

(Don't let someone's marketing confuse you. If you didn't know you needed it before you saw the ad, it won't reduce your stress.)

Is It Working? Keep It, Change It, or Let It Go

Give it 3 months.

Is it still working? re- assess.

If it's not working, change it.

If it is working, well... give thanks and move on.